Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Peak Trash: the End of Cheap Garbage

>>>>State of the Union Speech, USA, 2025.
My fellow Americans, as we all know, during most of the Century of Oil, discovery of new deposits increased to keep pace with demand. But since oil was a finite nonrenewable resource, this could not last forever. What is now known as "Peak Oil" occurred when the available deposits began to decrease, even as demand continued to increase. During the ensuing years the end of cheap oil brought an end to everything that was made from cheap oil: plastic, fertilizer (agriculture), transportation, energy, and, basically, the entire pre-Peak Oil economy.

However, that crisis was not as bad as some alarmists had predicted. Americans are a hardy, industrious folk, and a Solution was found to the problems of post-Peak Oil times. Due to the astounding foresight of our ancestors, it appears that huge deposits of useful plastic were safely stored away in "Landfills" in case of just such an eventuality as Peak Oil.

Our economy now relies almost exclusively on trash harvesting and services related to the scrounging of this precious resource. Thanks to the generosity of our forefathers, their used styrofoam cups and plastic milk jugs saved our country from Peak Oil and helped make America one of the richest countries in the post-Peak Oil world. Yet, a new crisis awaits us. Today, I bring you news from our leading scientists that we may be headed toward an end to our supply of cheap garbage. Unfortunately, it appears that garbage, like oil, is a finite non-renewable resource. Even as our demand for trash continues to grow, there are fewer and fewer Landfills to supply that demand.

We believe that this is the beginning of a new era, an era that will challenge each and every one of us; the era of Peak Trash. Without major new deposits of plastic plates, spoons, forks, and knives, some Americans may be forced to do without when they eat their dinners of fermented compost. What will the children of tomorrow use to carry water from the sewer ditch when all the milk jugs and styrofoam cups are gone? When all the rusted car frames are occupied, where will we find shelter? Without plastic bags, what will we wear to church on Sundays? We can only hope that, just as we were saved from Peak Oil by the miraculous foresight of our ancestors, we will likewise be saved from the ravages of Peak Trash by some other miraculous intervention. Thank you. [applause]

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